Let face it, the addict self lies to you. In an earlier blog, we shared George’s story about the blonde in the BMW. If you haven’t read it yet, check it out. Blonde in Beemer post, George was following a Beemer and had constructed an elaborate fantasy around it. The truth didn’t matter, the fact that he was driving didn’t matter, and nothing he did to try to shake off the addicted mindset was working. His addict had come up with a story so alluring, George felt powerless to resist. Ultimately George found out his addict lying to him!
This happens to all of us. Whether it is simply excuses, or ongoing, complex fantasies, our addicts are always ready and willing to tell us anything we need to hear, so long as it keeps us in the same behavior patterns. The addict will justify acting out by making you believe things that simply aren’t true. In George’s case, the blonde he was following turned out to be a middle-aged man, and therefore nothing like what he had been imagining.
In that moment, George felt ashamed and embarrassed. His addict had him so convinced that he must be following the woman of his dreams, he didn’t even leave room for possibilities like “Maybe that’s not even a woman.”
What stories does your addict tell you? How do these stories make you feel? Answering these questions is important, because they can help you recognize when you are feeling the pull of porn again. These feelings may sneak up on you, but then again, you may have very direct triggers. Either way, being able to recognize these feelings for what they are is going to be extremely helpful on your journey towards recovery.
Stories are universally appealing. This is why so many of us can get lost in books or movies. We feel compelled to stick around to find out what will happen next. Your addict knows this! He is using the power of stories to keep you hooked. He might be saying to you “Just stick around to see the end of this story, it will be fine,” because he thinks you’ll listen. The difference now is that you know you don’t have to. Now, you have the tools to walk away.
Spend some time thinking about the stories your addict may be telling you. If nothing comes to mind right now, simply go about your day. If at any time, you begin to realize your addict is constructing a fantasy, stop and write it down. Remember that these stories may even be as short as “Watch porn, you’ll feel better.”
You are not helpless against that addict voice. You are not alone in this. We have all been told stories by our addict selves. The difference is that now we can see them for what they are: lies.
Don’t beat yourself up when you start to see the ways your addict is lying to you. You just don’t have to buy into the stories anymore. You can help transform that addict part of you. You are ready and capable of taking control.