Is Porn an Intimacy Killer?

Watching porn gives you an unrealistic view of sex. Why is that? It’s unlikely that the person you’re in an actual relationship with is going to look like the person you see on the screen. What you see is manipulated — there’s lighting and photoshopping taking place, and so many other things that they can do to “edit” or “curate” an experience. This creates an unrealistic expectation of sex with a real person. Pornography skews reality — it doesn’t show you the wrinkles and the dimples, rather, it gives you a fake idea of what reality is and what a real sexual connection is. 

When Sex Becomes Mechanical

Pornography and porn addiction, hooking up with a random person, or having an affair is going to give you a distorted understanding of what sexuality can actually bring to your life. Watching porn or compulsively acting out in a sexual manner tends to be mechanical and not about emotions or connection. 

 

But your sexual expression can be a bonding experience — an intimate thing that happens between two people who are connected, who are in a relationship, or they’re working towards a relationship, or they care about each other. But when you watch a lot of porn you see just the mechanical act of the experience — and it’s not even a real experience. It’s a mechanical, manufactured act that you’re watching. There’s no connection. You don’t see the intimate dialogue in porn, you don’t see the couple going out or going for a walk while they’re holding hands and they’re sharing about their day or what their struggles are. You don’t see them talking about their relationship. None of that is happening. None of that’s occurring. Instead, you just see detached, mechanical sexuality. 

 

So instead of sex being a connecting, bonding interaction or an exchange of energy, feelings, emotions, and pleasure, what ends up happening is sex becomes mechanical. This can result in your partner feeling neglected instead of connected. She can end up feeling like an object because the connection is not there. The fulfillment is not complete. What can happen over time is she can become less and less interested in engaging with you in a really healthy way, and if she does continue to engage with you in a mechanical way, it doesn’t feel real. There’s a problem with that. Because a lack of real connection can be the end of your relationship. And re-engaging can be very difficult. 

How Do You Begin Healing?

How do you begin the repair? First, you have to acknowledge what’s going on and see if sex has become mechanical due to porn addiction. Then you can begin to change your mind, to rewire, to move away from sexually compulsive behavior, and move towards intimacy and connection. 

 

First, you can begin to understand how you’re attracted to an object, not a person. You may have heard statements like “porn kills love” and “sexually compulsive behavior destroys relationships.” Why is that? Because it robs you of intimate connection. When you begin to understand that when you’re taking your sexual energy and investing it into something that does not give back, you’re robbing your significant other of the connection. 

The Unrealistic Expectations of the World

The world of porn gives you unrealistic expectations. Social media can do the same thing — with lighting and filters. What ends up happening is you compare the porn images to your significant other. But what your partner wants to know is that you desire her, that you want her. 

 

The world we live in is constantly pushing sexual images. It’s everywhere, in magazines, in movies, and all over social media. When you fall into believing these manufactured images, you can rob yourself of the joy of an actual connection with your partner — and you’re robbing your significant other of that joy, too. If your attention is on something else, like digital images or something you see on social media, like a woman who’s scantily clad or something like that, your energy is being drawn away and invested in somebody else. This means your partner is not getting the full version of you. They’re not getting 100% of you.

 

Fantasy, or fantasizing about someone who’s not your partner, can affect your relationship like watching porn or having an affair. Your brain really can’t tell the difference. So you have to be careful about fantasizing. It can put you on a path that’s not healthy. If fantasizing comes up, don’t let that reel run. You don’t need to be wandering off into la-la land. Just be present where you are. 

 

Anything that leads to attraction to only the form rather than the entire, real, actual person can keep you from true intimacy, because it’s devoid of actual emotion. Every time you focus ONLY on the form, on the image, either through pornography or sexually compulsive behavior, you’re reinforcing the tendency to objectify. You’re not looking at your partner as a whole and connecting with them. 

Free Yourself From Porn Addiction

If you believe that porn addiction is derailing your relationship with your significant other, there is a way out. Get the help, support, and therapy you need to rediscover a healthy sexual mindset and contact Neulia Compulsion Solutions today.

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