When you get free from porn addiction or sex addictions, you can transform your life. One of our clients writes about the new possibilities his life now holds after sex addiction recovery…
This is my journey of a new life as a new person. None of this could have been seen, felt, or heard if I hadn’t hit the lowest point in my life. Unfortunately, that’s what it took for me to start this journey.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
My childhood and history brought me to the low point. But now who I thought I was, my life, my history has dissolved. I am on a new path, a new journey, to become my essence, to become truthful, honest, intimate, and honorable — not only to myself but to my bride-to-be and to our wonderful family. The way I look at life now is seen through the eyes of my essence, heard from my true conscious self. It is felt through the present moment of my heart.
I wish I would have or could have taken a better path. I wish I had been shown a better path when I was younger. But now I know where I am and I know where I am going. This journey is leading me to a better life that I want to share with my bride and our family. I have learned many things about who I was as a person and a lover.
I was operating from my teenage mind — foolish, immature, lying, wasting my life, and ruining the best relationship I ever had. I didn’t know how to be true, honest, loyal, or faithful to my partner. My childhood and my past led me to the situation I put us in. But I see now that I didn’t understand the difference between conscious and unconscious.
LEARNING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
If only I had known about my sub-personalities, if only I had understood that I wasn’t my mind, if only I had known what was really true. Now I know what was really going on, who I was, and how oblivious I was to life and the people suffering around me because of the way I was wasting my life.
I am the one who feels the shame, blame, guilt, betrayal, and pain from my actions. Now that I know and I can see through my essence who that person was, I can take responsibility for everything.
MY BELOVED PARTNER
I put all those negative actions and feelings onto the love of my life, onto the person who was so innocent and didn’t do anything at all to deserve any of this. She didn’t even see it coming.
It was a huge destruction to her feelings about our relationship and me. I can’t blame her one bit for having all these bad and negative thoughts about me. How could she trust me after all of this? I put myself in her shoes for moments during my sex addiction recovery and I don’t know if I would be strong enough to deal with all the thoughts and feelings she now carries from day to day. These are things that can never be forgotten. Only I can make this negative situation positive.
Things that I know now can prepare me for the future and help me live and share my new life with my intimate partner. She is the most beautiful, strong, sexy, warm, and kindhearted woman I have ever met and loved. She truly is one of a kind and I am very blessed to have her in my heart and in my life. I am so grateful that she still has love and room for me in her heart.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
I have gained knowledge and learned words that never would have meant anything to me before — sub-personality, presence, being, conscious, unconscious, essence, control, power, dialogue — all words that I never would have understood. Because of sex addiction recovery, I now see that life is what I make it, not what my childhood or unconscious sub-personality gives me. I am better than that. I am separate from that.
I am not my mind or my thoughts. I am my essence, the part of me that was always true. I just needed to find it. My sub-personalities, my unconsciousness, my mind tricked me into thinking that the negative thoughts were who I was and that was my life. But I am more than my thoughts. I am a person who is connected with my feelings and myself, but I am not my thoughts.
I do what is right, honest, and true. I am positive and try to stay positive through negative situations. Two wrongs don’t make a right, just like two negatives don’t make a positive. I need to be positive and stay positive for my relationship, for my family, and for myself. When my lover is negative, I need to be positive so that I can help her find a positive and connect and share that moment — to shift with my bride.
By being positive I create positive energy with myself. That helps me see the joy and true meaning of life, love, and intimacy. I can for once say honestly that I am a true and loyal lover to my beloved. My life now at this moment is complete. I have everything in life that I want and need.
Having all these feelings and being in all these true moments has changed me like I never could have imagined. I feel more intelligent, wiser. I am prepared and ready to start living my life with my new self and really connecting and becoming closer to the love of my life. For once in my life, I am ready to be a mature adult father and show my child and my children the true and real way of life.
I don’t want my kids to take the wrong path I took. I want to show them the right path and be with them every step of the way — to help them stand up, get up, keep going, not give up, to do the right things, to be honest and respectful. I want to show them real and true love and how to treat people with love and kindness.
I now understand that everyone has a meaning in life, but it is up to each of us to feel the meaning of our own life, to take life in, and feel the positive energy of life. It is possible now to respond to life from what is true — rather than from the old stories my mind has told over and over.