Learning to Value Yourself Despite a Partner’s Sex Addiction

My first task in working with the partners of sex addicts is to address three major emotions they are grappling with: shock, blame and hurt. Each of these emotions has the ability to shake you to your foundations, and we must work through them early on in the healing process. A betrayal tears apart everything you believe in. When you …

Integrity: Your Work Isn’t Done Yet

This is the third and final part in my series on resilience. I’ve taken you through the steps of incorporating self-care into your life, and also reminded you of the emotional tools you already have in your toolbox. Part One: Caring For Yourself When You Love An Addict Part Two: Power Regained: Working Your Way Through Your Partner’s Betrayal Now …

Power Regained —Working Your Way Through Your Partner’s Betrayal

This is the second blog in a series on resilience. In the first installment, I spoke about the importance of self care, and why it’s such a difficult concept for many betrayed women to comprehend. What I’d like to talk about now is what happens after you learn to prioritize your own needs. How do you continue to progress towards …

Caring For Yourself When You Love An Addict

This is the first in a series of blog posts on resilience. As a therapist, I see resilience as the hallmark of mental health. The journey towards resilience is at the heart of my practice. Resilience is the quality that is developed and honed in the face of stress. The truth is none of us get out of this life …

Realistic Self Care When Dealing With A Partner’s Porn/Sex Addiction

There’s a prevalent idea out there about what self-care looks like, but it’s not realistic. Here’s why self-care is at the center of relationship counseling. Have you ever found yourself standing in the middle of an especially stressful day, wondering when was the last time you did anything for you? The concept of self-care is one I circle back to …

The Hard-To-Face TRUTH About Being Married To A Sex Addict

He swore on his children’s lives that he wasn’t having an affair. He said someone must have broken into his email account. He kept reassuring his wife that it was nothing. Finally, she got access to all of his phone records and his secret receipts. She also found a second cell phone he accidentally left on the passenger seat of his …

Afraid Your Partner Is Cheating On You? A New Website Sure Hopes You Are…

In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, it seems like the act of spying on your partner’s online activities has become a national pastime. That idea is certainly supported by the release of a new online search engine called “Instant Checkmate.” This service claims to have the ability to search not only secret online accounts for dating or porn …

After Your Partner’s Disclosure — Navigating Your Emotions

Disclosure, the process in which your sexually addicted partner lists out every way they abused the trust of the relationship, is an incredibly emotional process. In and amongst all the hurt, betrayal, and even numbness you may be feeling after hearing your partner’s disclosure, there lurks another, wholly unexpected emotion: a strange sense of power. In going through the disclosure …

Codependence: What It Looks Like, And Why It’s Dangerous

On the surface, the word “codependence” seems like it might mean something pleasant, or at least benign — like two people depending on each other. However, if that’s its meaning, then why are so many women’s magazines featuring it in dire headlines, or offering you dozens of quizzes to discover if you might be in a codependent relationship? There’s something …

Are You Living With a Porn Addict?

The Moment of Realization If you searched on this topic, it’s possible you’ve just had the shock of your life. Whether your partner just admitted something to you verbally, or you’ve just uncovered a troubling internet history, finding out that your partner is, or may be, a sex or porn addict is very difficult to process. Emotions are swirling right …

Anatomy Of A One-Night Stand: Questions & Consequences

Does the fact that my partner had a one-night stand mean he’s a sex addict? As counselors specializing in sexually compulsive behaviors, this is a question we’re often asked. In the Back of a Minivan A blog I read recently addressed the issue of the aftermath of a one-night stand. A reader wrote to author and psychologist Samantha Rodman PhD: …

Helping a Spouse Who Suffers from Porn Addiction

Porn addiction can cause major problems in your spouse’s life. These problems can range from problems focusing on real world events, to failure to perform in the bedroom. Are there other signs? And if you do think your spouse is suffering from porn addiction, what can you do to help? In this article we’ll take a look at those signs …

It Can Be Hard To Talk About Sex Addiction

If you suspect sex addiction is an issue in your relationship, it might be hard to even ask someone about it, if you don’t feel you can you openly discuss S-E-X. Sex continues to be the news in some surprising and shocking ways. And now it’s being characterized as being potentially addictive. From the reported misdeeds in the sports world, …

Is Your Husband A Sex Addict?

You may know that something is wrong with your intimate sexual connection, but you wonder if your partner could be a sex addict.  Maybe your partner is looking at a lot of porn on the internet and masturbating or he may have escalated his online activities. He may be frequenting prostitutes, engaging in multiple affairs, or participating in other sexual …

7 Reassurances For The Partner Of A Sex Or Porn Addict

  We offer these reassurances to you with the intention that they help soothe your immediate pain — realizing that they are not going to solve the problem of your sex addict partner’s acting out behaviors. He will need to seek help and support. You may very well need to seek help and support as well. We encourage you to …

Can You Rebuild Your Relationship If Your Partner Is A Sex Addict?

Many partners of sex addicts have asked me “Was our entire life a lie?” or “Why have I stayed in this relationship as long as I have?” I believe that a crucial part of recovery and self-growth is understanding what you are working toward. Feeling some sense of positivity is crucial for your own survival in the mess of your …