Addict is Fake News

Fake news—or a hoax—is making, well, news, a lot these days and has become a buzzword representing misrepresentation and falsehoods. Fake news is written and published with the intent to mislead in order to gain financially or politically, often with sensationalist, exaggerated, or patently false headlines that grab attention. If you are someone who seeks sex addiction help, isn’t our …

Porn Addiction: A Few Short Term Solutions to Recovery

Recovery from sex and porn addictions certainly takes some time in getting well and breaking the habit of acting out sexually. We can look at recovery in two phases — short-term and long-term. Short-term recovery may be viewed as getting the behavior to a degree of manageability and control while longer-term examines the deeper, underlying causes that caused the addiction …

Disclosing Your Sexual History

One of the most challenging (and daunting!) tasks in sex addiction recovery is disclosing your sexual history to your partner. Since most of it may be attributed to a progressive addiction, what you put down reveals much more than just the content. You’re vulnerable, transparent, and wide open for criticism. So why even do it? For yourself, it may be …

Choosing Connection Over Performance

Men, young and old, who are porn addicts, often experience erectile dysfunction (ED) and related sexual performance anxiety. Although research on porn-induced ED is mixed, I can tell you firsthand that many of my clients, individuals and couples alike, are negatively impacted. It can be difficult to measure the far-reaching effects of viewing too much porn and how it influences …

Relationship Differences—How Much Is Too Much?

Common beliefs may tell you that it is essential to have the same interests and styles to co-exist happily. Some 64% of married Americans believe that “having shared interests” is very important for a successful marriage, according to the Pew Research Center. In fact, those surveyed ranked shared interests as more essential than good sex or shared political beliefs. Conventional …

Let’s Talk About Money

The holidays often bring up a lot of stressors for couples. One of the most common challenges couples face during the holiday season comes down to dollars and cents, particularly so when your financial viewpoint differs from your partner. Thinking about money or your finances during the holidays, with gift buying, entertaining and travel, can be stressful Too often couples …

Communication and Active Listening

Communication problems: By far, the number one reason couple’s come to therapy. When you think of it, it’s the number one problem in most relationship issues—family, friends, and work to name a few. Communication issues are far-reaching and impact each and every one of our relationships, particularly intimate and committed ones. The topics of the difficulty vary. Perhaps you have …

Are You In A Codependent Relationship?

Codependency sounds like a dirty word. We know it sounds bad, must be bad, but what is it really? How can you tell if you are indeed in a codependent relationship? Many people find themselves repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns despite knowing better. Do you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, putting your own life …

steps going upwards

Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or continues to struggle likely has heard the phrase, “once an addict, always an addict.” You may have a love and hate relationship with that saying. Many see it as a label of hopelessness, sort of a lifelong branding while others may look at it as just a warning…a reminder of seriously continuing to …

Making Deposits for Your Relationship’s Health

While recently in session with a client, he told me how uncomfortable he was watching nudity or sexual scenes on television with his wife. Prior to getting caught and forced to deal with his out of control sexual behavior, he and his wife would enjoy their favorite show, The Sopranos. Many scenes in the show were shot in a strip …

Setting Up A Dialogue Practice

In my practice, if I received a dollar for each time I heard from my clients, “I was too busy to write this week,” I would be a wealthy man. Like many things that are actually good for us, journaling or dialoguing often get put aside or buried by the busyness of life. Somehow putting a high priority on writing …

Surviving an Affair

Being caught in having an affair or admitting to an infidelity blows the door right off the vehicle that is your relationship. Intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment and sadness to name a few come to the forefront like a flood. If you have gone through this or are currently going through this turmoil in your relationship then you are …

Alone vs. Lonely

When working with my male clients who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, one of the common denominators in the reasons they act out is being alone. Particularly if the behavior is pornography addiction where privacy represents one of the conditions for being able to peruse porn in the first place. A recent client on a business trip spoke about his …

Procrastination and Addiction

-Starve your distractions, feed your focus.” Daniel Goleman Procrastination, defined as the action of delaying or postponing something, appears to be a universal human problem. We all struggle to get moving on the next important task — the school or work project, paying our bills, or having a difficult conversation with someone.

Learning To Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

There’s a saying in addiction that we act out what we don’t feel. The acting out behavior becomes a numbing device so that we can avoid feelings, thoughts, or experiences—often unconsciously. To feel or experience these things can be very uncomfortable. Most of us, people in recovery or not, can’t even tolerate being uncomfortable for short amounts of time.It’s something …

4 Steps To Recovery From Porn Addiction: Walk, Don’t Run

Recovery from an addiction to sex or pornography is much more like a marathon rather than a sprint. Much will be required of and from you in your pursuit of sobriety. Recovery demands patience, perseverance, and maybe the most difficult—self-compassion. Many of my clients initially look for the quick sprint to the finish line…seeing the recovery process as a linear …

Withdrawal

Attempting to stop your compulsive sexual behavior requires a non-simple truth—the need to become comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Once you have acknowledged you have a sex addiction, and made the decision to get help, you need to prepare yourself for a period of withdrawal. Like any drug or substance, it’s not going to be easy ride. Going through withdrawal from …

Dear PornDoc—Journaling, Mindfulness, & Disclosure

Dear PornDoc, I am currently in treatment for pornography addiction. My therapist wants me to journal a lot. My thinking is that this brings up feelings of wanting to act out which seems counterproductive to me. I’d like your thoughts on the importance of writing. First of all, good for you for seeking help. It’s the necessary thing to do …

Sex Addiction or Porn Addiction: You Are Not Alone

A key deterrent in your getting help in recovery from compulsive sexual behavior is the feeling that you’re alone in this battle. This belief leads to further isolation, further procrastination in getting help, and further suffering. If you’ve already been down this road then you know these words, this system so to speak, rings true and usually ends up in the …

Depression and Sex Addiction

The old adage, what comes first, the chicken or the egg? When it comes to the symbiotic relationship between addiction and depression, it is often difficult to determine which causes which. When working with people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, often depression rides just beneath the surface. One acts out sexually to avoid the depression (subconsciously) and in turn …