Sex Addiction in the News – This Isn’t a Joke

While it might seem like the Kardashian family is always in the news, a recent story was of particular importance to me. After being confronted for infidelity on the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott Disick – longtime boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian, and father of her 3 children – came out publicly and declared himself a sex …

The Sex Addiction Debate: Yes, It’s Real

I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding when it comes to sex addiction and porn addiction. Yes, drugs and alcohol are highly addictive substances. They ruin lives and drive people to terrible depths in search of their next fix – but so does sex. To a certain extent, sex may be an even harder habit to break than some other …

Celebrity Addiction Rehab: Not The Only Way To Do It

You may have read some news stories about celebrities checking into exclusive rehab centers to work on their sex addiction recovery or porn addictions.  Certainly, this is fine. I’m sure that despite the media’s focus on things like horseback riding and croquet at some of these exclusive treatment centers, there actually is a lot of intense sex addiction therapy happening …

Kids Watching Porn? It Happens More Than You Think

Lately, there have been a few articles published warning that erectile dysfunction meds like Viagra are being prescribed to younger men. When this pill first debuted, everyone assumed it was to help men of a certain age continue to enjoy a sex life. They probably didn’t anticipate young people in their early 20s using it too. Don’t be misled. This …

Afraid Your Partner Is Cheating On You? A New Website Sure Hopes You Are…

In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, it seems like the act of spying on your partner’s online activities has become a national pastime. That idea is certainly supported by the release of a new online search engine called “Instant Checkmate.” This service claims to have the ability to search not only secret online accounts for dating or porn …

Your Porn Addiction Secret

When you’re the only one who knows about your porn addiction, it’s a scary and lonely place. You become filled with shame, self-doubt, criticism and anger. You respond to these negative feelings by trying to soothe yourself with more porn, which of course only starts those feelings up again in a vicious cycle. In fact, you have to remain isolated …

Habits, Patterns, And Addictions

How we perceive and experience the world around us is based on patterns. Many patterns in your world experience are out of our control, such as the planets orbiting the sun. You can’t change those patterns. Other patterns are automatic and unconscious repetitions of behavior that occur inside what you think of as your “self.” It’s those patterns that can …

Porn: 2 Sides To The Camera

Recently, a documentary premiered on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted.  While this is certainly not the first of its kind, it’s still an enlightening and eye-opening look at the realities of the porn industry. Most notably, it gives a behind-the-scenes look at what happens to the young women who choose to get involved in pornography as soon as they turn 18. …

Opening The Door To Resistance

Imagine walking up to the edge of a cliff with a thousand foot drop. You may feel some resistance to getting close to the edge. Why? You’re protecting yourself from danger. Similarly, in counseling, resistance is a way you protect yourself from perceived danger. It’s an instinct. It’s automatic. It’s a way of trying to avoid the “danger” of pain. …

The Gollum Factor: A Portrait of Your Inner Addict

Often, those of us struggling with sex and porn addiction have some common roots buried in our pasts. As kids, 50 to 60 percent of us grew up in a broken home —one parent did all the parenting and household duties. If this describes your childhood, then you never had the advantage of seeing a couple working together as a …

Are You Giving Away Your Power?

Why You Think Your Addict is in Control “My addict is just too strong,” said Carl. “I try to stop the thoughts, but the addict always wins.” If you step back from Carl’s statement, do you think that Carl is blaming his addict-self for his sexual compulsive behavior? “I just can’t stop myself” is another common refrain. But think about …

Anatomy Of A One-Night Stand: Questions & Consequences

Does the fact that my partner had a one-night stand mean he’s a sex addict? As counselors specializing in sexually compulsive behaviors, this is a question we’re often asked. In the Back of a Minivan A blog I read recently addressed the issue of the aftermath of a one-night stand. A reader wrote to author and psychologist Samantha Rodman PhD: …

Really?!! A Technique To Use When Triggered

If you’re a sex addict in recovery, you know what it means to be “triggered.” Triggering incidents can be emotional, such as feeling angry or sad or anxious, or they can be visual, or tactile, or even auditory. There’s a story in my book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame in which I’m walking …

4 Practices For Recovery Success

Does a basketball or tennis star succeed without practice? Of course not. But you might be thinking: “They’re star athletes and I’m not. So the practice rule doesn’t apply to me.”  That’s your mind talking. That’s an excuse. If you’ve read the book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame, or if you’re in counseling …

Adam’s Essence: Dialoging with Your Essential Nature

In my profession as a counselor for sexually compulsive behavior, I talk to people about their addiction and what they can do about it. For example we look at how to effectively utilize the incredibly useful methods we have: Red Light Guy, Beard Test, Blue Sky and High Heels. And these methods really work. If none of these methods are …

Recovery Multiplier

The military has a term called “Force Multiplier” which, according to the Department of Defense, is defined as “A capability that, when added to and employed by a combat force, significantly increases the combat potential of that force and thus enhances the probability of a successful mission accomplishment.”  At Neulia and Compulsion Solutions, we’ve adapted that concept to help you …

3 Steps to Help Purge the Urge

When a Dance is More than a Dance If you’ve been going through our video course, you already know that mind doesn’t like to change. Even though I’ve been a sexual addiction counselor for 20 years helping guys like you break free of their sexual compulsive behaviors, I’m still a man and I still get occasional urges that could lead …

The Girl in the Red Dress

(or Catching Your Addiction Before It Bites You in the Ass) I’ve had a lot of clients ask me, “How do you catch your addiction when it comes up?  Then what do you do about it?” Because dialoguing is a key component of the Neulia program, I’m also often asked questions such as: “How do you teach yourself to dialogue?  …