steps going upwards

Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or continues to struggle likely has heard the phrase, “once an addict, always an addict.” You may have a love and hate relationship with that saying. Many see it as a label of hopelessness, sort of a lifelong branding while others may look at it as just a warning…a reminder of seriously continuing to …

Making Deposits for Your Relationship’s Health

While recently in session with a client, he told me how uncomfortable he was watching nudity or sexual scenes on television with his wife. Prior to getting caught and forced to deal with his out of control sexual behavior, he and his wife would enjoy their favorite show, The Sopranos. Many scenes in the show were shot in a strip …

Objectification Hurts Everyone

I ran across an article at Psychology Today, which spoke about the sexualization of women and girls, and how damaging it is not only to women, but also to men and boys. I was glad to see this article referencing some scientific studies that were conducted, because frankly, this is an issue, which needs more serious attention than it’s currently …

woman walking on a ridge

Boundaries after addiction: building back trust.

Rebuilding your relationships may be one of the most difficult parts of addiction recovery. Sex addiction and porn addiction are uniquely able to damage trust in your closest relationships, particularly with your romantic partner or spouse. But while it can be a challenging journey, it is possible for trust to be rebuilt after addiction if both partners are committed to …

man going up escalator signifying overcoming porn addiction

Can’t Escape Your Porn Addiction? 5 Ways to Break Out of the Rut.

It’s easy to feel trapped when you’re addicted to porn. A few hours or days of freedom ends with falling back into old habits, often leading to feelings of shame and self-loathing. But you don’t have to feel trapped forever. There is always, always hope to break free from addiction. Here are just five ways to get started: 1. Get …

Setting Up A Dialogue Practice

In my practice, if I received a dollar for each time I heard from my clients, “I was too busy to write this week,” I would be a wealthy man. Like many things that are actually good for us, journaling or dialoguing often get put aside or buried by the busyness of life. Somehow putting a high priority on writing …

people on an amusement park ride

Dopamine and Your Porn Addiction

There’s a lot of talk about how the dopamine receptors in your brain influence addictive behavior. Does dopamine feed addiction? What role does dopamine play when it comes to your brain and pornography? Here’s what you need to know: 1. Dopamine itself is not actually addictive. Contrary to popular belief, dopamine is not actually addictive in and of itself. “When …

Surviving an Affair

Being caught in having an affair or admitting to an infidelity blows the door right off the vehicle that is your relationship. Intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment and sadness to name a few come to the forefront like a flood. If you have gone through this or are currently going through this turmoil in your relationship then you are …

Does Admitting My Sex Addiction Make Me a Loser?

Not too long ago, I was asked the following question by one of the men I work with: “Do I have to always remind myself that I’m a loser because of my addiction?” I admit I was taken aback by this question. So much so that I feel it’s important to address it to a wider audience. If you’ve been …

field split down the middle

Bad porn or “ethical” porn: is there a difference?

Is there such a thing as “good porn” and “bad porn?” And are you asking from a truly ethical standpoint, or just as an excuse to wack it with less guilt? So is “good porn” a thing? Here are some thoughts to consider. “Good porn” is a tall order that may be hard to fill. For the purpose of this …

stairs

Is it bad to watch porn?

Is it bad to watch porn? If you’re asking, I have a sneaking suspicion that you already know the answer. At the very least, many studies agree that regular exposure to porn negatively affects the sexual satisfaction between partners. But why is it bad to watch porn? Porn is everywhere. It seems like everyone is doing it. It’s almost impossible …

over the phone sex addiction treatment

Discreet Ways to Get Sex Addiction Treatment

If you are considering seeking sex addiction help, you may feel held back by feelings of embarrassment or shame. You want help, but you don’t want anyone to know that you need help. These feelings are common. Sex addiction therapists understand the sensitive nature of these struggles and make your confidentiality their highest priority. Here are some ways to start …

When Arousal Becomes Frightening

In my work with sex and porn addicts, I come across a recurring question: “What if something arouses me, but it also makes me really uncomfortable?” A lot of the guys I work with can actually feel fear in response to some things which they find arousing. They might find themselves wrestling with contradictions like “I’m a straight man, but …

candle in the dark

When you have a porn addiction relapse: It’s not over

If you are in the midst of a porn addiction relapse, it’s easy to end up in a negative thought spiral. You might feel like a failure. You might feel worthless. You might feel like giving up. But while these feelings are common, that does not make them true. Sex addiction recovery is a process. It’s not 100% all at …

man running to satisfy his sex addiction symptoms

How to Satisfy Your Sex Addiction Symptoms

If you are seeking sex addiction recovery, your symptoms can feel overwhelming. How do you channel that energy and desire in a way that keeps you on-track? Sex addiction recovery will never be easy, but it is always possible. Here are a few brass-tacks ways to satisfy your symptoms and stay on the road to recovery. Get a Healthy Dopamine …

your brain

Hairy palms: Real porn addiction side effects

Are there legit side effects to porn addictions? While you won’t actually get hairy palms from masturbating too much, (nor will you go blind), porn addiction’s side effects are real. But addiction looks different than occasional use, and addiction requires help to overcome. Here are some signs and symptoms that point toward porn addictions: “Sometimes I feel powerless to resist …

computer open on a bed at night

How to Stop Watching Porn before You Start

So you want to know how to stop watching porn. It’s not easy, but you know what will make it easier? Keep yourself out of porn’s way as much as possible. A key way to break a porn habit is to stop the endless, sweaty cycle of clicking and fapping before it starts. But to do that, you need to …

man sitting on a mountain outside of a city

5 Symptoms of a Sex Addict

The symptoms of sex addicts might surprise you. Sex addicts are not people who loves sex, or has lots of sex, or have a powerful sex drive. The symptoms of addiction are completely different and have very little to do with the actual enjoyment of sex. Here are five symptoms to look out for. Five Symptoms of Sex Addicts 1. …

man that received bad advice on quitting porn

Bad Advice on How to Quit Porn

If you’ve decided to quit porn, there is a wealth of advice out there about how to make it stick. Some of this advice is great, but some of it is, frankly, is hot garbage. Here are a few of the absolute worst ways to stop watching porn. Go It Alone Your pride might be telling you that you can …