CAN I STOP THE PULL OF PORN?

Many men desperately want to stop the pull of porn. They want to know “Can I stop? If so, how?” Many of the guys who call mention that they’ve tried to stop, but haven’t been able to. So is there a secret? Can you actually get rid of this nagging temptation? At Compulsion Solutions, we believe men can take control of their lives, and we offer solutions to help free them from sex addiction, porn obsession, and shame. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help!

Often, by the time someone contacts us, they’re about to give up. They’re thinking “No one can win against this thing, I just have to try to dumb it down.” But you can be victorious! So, where do you start?

Let’s start here:
You can never get enough of what doesn’t satisfy you. 

You can’t get enough of what won’t satisfy you. And guess what — porn never actually satisfies. You’ll never get enough of it. You may have tried to get enough. Maybe you even believed you could get enough. Just once more, right? But the compulsion just gets worse and worse and worse. You keep trying to get more and more and more. But you never get that fulfillment you’re looking for. Not only that, right after acting out, you feel terrible. You feel guilt, you feel shame. 

So check it out: YOU’LL NEVER GET ENOUGH OF WHAT WON’T SATISFY YOU

Is this true for you? Think about your acting out behavior. Will you ever be able to get enough? Understanding that you’ll never get enough is a great first step. But it doesn’t actually stop your acting out behavior. So, how do you stop? 

 

Understand The Pull Of Porn

Initially, you won’t stop the pull of porn. But with attention, with some help, you can start to re-wire your system, and the pull of porn will diminish and then stop in time. But first, you need to really understand the pull of porn in your life.

What is pulling you to want to act out? Why are you having the urge to act out? You don’t need to get angry with yourself when you act out. But you do need to honestly ask yourself “What happened?”

Your first answer might be a story like this: “It was dark, and I was in my room.” or “I was doing this and I was doing that.” But there’s more information for you if you just look a little closer. Ask yourself: WHY did I act out? 

 

Why You Act Out

Why did your mind suggest that you do something that’s ultimately going to hurt you? It doesn’t make logical sense. If you put your hand on the stove and it burns you, typically, you’re not going to go back and put it back on the stove, right? If you do, there’s something really wrong. Most people when they burn themselves will watch out for the stove again. So why do you keep going back to something that ultimately is hurting you? 

Why don’t you remember to stop? There’s a disconnect. The pull of porn is a one-way road. Like all your instinctive, subconscious survival impulses. We all automatically do what it takes to survive. We form neural pathways and neural processes that can keep us in a rut. You can’t just stop the pull of porn addiction because you’re trying to play tug of war with the instinctive survival part of your brain. The reasoning part of your brain knows what it wants to do. But there’s a gap. So you have to build a road, a new neural pathway that connects to your reasoning. 

 

Controlling Your Subconscious

Your subconscious will fight you on this. It automatically, instinctively feels that what it’s doing is good for you. This survival part of your subconscious mind doesn’t process negative emotions — shame, guilt — none of that. But your reasoning can. You can begin to ask why.

There’s always a why. For example, when you go to the doctor when you’re sick, what do they do? They don’t just say, “Wow. He’s sick.” They try to find out why. Why are you sick? What’s going on? How can we treat this? 

If you go to the doctor with a massive cut and pain running up your arm and through your body, they’re not going to say, “Well, let’s put a band-aid on that.” No, they’re going to inspect it. They’re going to clean it out and maybe get you some antibiotics. But first, they want to know why. Why does it hurt? It’s obvious that there’s a cut. But is something else going on? Is there an infection? There’s a reason that pain is running up your arm and through your body. 

You can begin to ask yourself the same kind of questions — why do you want to act out? Why are you being pulled by porn? Take yourself off of autopilot. When those urges come in, let that be a reminder to ask yourself “Why? Why do I feel this way? What’s going on? What’s making me feel this way?”

Stopping the pull of porn begins by understanding why the pull of porn is present in the first place. Trying to simply eliminate the pull of porn, to wish it away, hasn’t worked. If it had, you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog. 

Start to investigate the why. What’s the reason you’re pulled to porn? It doesn’t have to be something dark and heavy. It could be as simple as you’re laying in bed with your phone and you’re tired. Your dopamine levels are going down, your serotonin is down. So your instinct is going to naturally try to pick that up. If you see this, you have a chance to make a different choice, rather than automatically following the pull of porn. When you consciously make a different choice and fight the addiction to pornography, you begin to build a new neural pathway. This is the first step to conquering the pull of porn.

 

Understanding The Pull

So, if you want to stop the pull of porn, understand why you’re having the pull in the first place. You don’t need to focus on the pull or on the urge. That’s not important. It’s a distractor. Instead, focus on why. Why is this urge here? You can even ask your urge “What are you doing here, man? Why are you here?” 

The acting out is a symptom. Just like the infection in your arm from the cut. You could take pain medicine. Absolutely, you could, and it would probably eliminate the pain for a time. But the infection is still in there, and it will continue to cause pain. Your acting out is a symptom. 

You can address the symptom. You can calm the symptom down, and that’s great. But if you really want to stop the pull of porn, then look to the cause. Willpower won’t work in the long run. It will fail you. You cannot willpower your way through. If that worked, it would have worked for you by now. It’s not about more willpower. It’s not about being strong enough. It’s ultimately understanding what’s going on, so you can then consciously make a different choice. When you need help stopping the pull of porn, you can always count on the professionals at Compulsion Solutions. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our programs and to discuss how we can help you fight against your porn addiction. Our compassionate and experienced team is ready to fight at your side!

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