Examining Your Personal Timeline of Addiction

Sex and porn addicts can often trace the roots of their addiction back to certain events in their lives. These events may have been embarrassing, shameful, or damaging encounters with sexual feelings when you were younger. They often have a lasting effect on the personality – one that can last throughout your entire life, if left unaddressed. Addicts and non-addicts …

Can’t I Just Look at One Site?

I often get asked by men who are either starting in recovery, or considering recovery, “Can’t I just look at one porn site?” Porn addiction is every bit as serious as alcohol or drug addiction, so my answer to that would be another question: “What do you think is going to happen if you look at one porn site?” The …

An Unwelcome Guest?

Imagine you’re at home and you get a knock at your front door. You’re not expecting anyone, so you’re dubious. You take a clandestine peek to see who it is… hopefully without them seeing you. Now imagine that your “guest” is someone you really don’t want to talk to or deal with in any way. You hide. Keep quiet. All …

What Is Shame Telling You? (And How Should You Respond?)

Shame is an incredibly powerful emotion. So powerful in fact, that we often find it at the root of the addictive behavior. Shame can eat a person’s confidence and self-esteem, leaving only an empty anger behind. A coping mechanism can easily be born in the heat of intense shame, and as we’ve seen here at Compulsion Solutions and in the …

Finding an Addict’s Original Wound

In treating compulsive, sexual behavior in addicts, we reach a point where we work to uncover what is known as the “original wound.” This is an emotional wound, always from the addict’s childhood, and it sits at the root of their compulsions. Often, when men go back to look at their lives, they will begin by trying to find that …

What’s at the Foundation of Your Addiction?

Overcoming compulsive behavior, such as sex or porn addiction requires you to look back into your past as much as it requires you to envision your future. When you’re getting to the bottom of addictive behavior patterns, you have to start all the way back at what we call the foundation. Imagine that you’re planning to build a house. If that …

Terry Crews: If He Can Admit His Porn Addictions, So Can You!

One of the biggest foes faced by sufferers of porn addiction is the media. The very idea that someone could be addicted to porn is easily and often dismissed in news stories, op-eds, and even joking tweets. This kind of rhetoric is damaging in many ways, not the least of which being that it prevents addicts from coming forward and …

Doing Dumb Things On My Smartphone

It may be difficult to think of a time when we were sans smartphones…or even a plain cell phone for that matter. Technological advances in personal electronics, particularly the mobile phone, have come fast and furiously. In the early 2000’s, capabilities such as email, fax and web browsing became mainstays. In 2007, Apple’s iPhone came along and changed the marketplace …

How Dangerous Is Your Porn Addiction?

Addiction can kill. Anyone who has ever watched a family member or friend succumbs to alcoholism, or overdose on drugs can tell you that. Yet, when talking about porn addiction, many people see it as less serious and less deadly. Certainly, there is more inherent risk in sharing needles than there is in opening a porn website in the privacy …

Realistic Self Care When Dealing With A Partner’s Porn/Sex Addiction

There’s a prevalent idea out there about what self-care looks like, but it’s not realistic. Here’s why self-care is at the center of relationship counseling. Have you ever found yourself standing in the middle of an especially stressful day, wondering when was the last time you did anything for you? The concept of self-care is one I circle back to …

Abuse In The Porn Industry Can Cause Troubling Behavior In Addicts

Allegations of sexual assault against male porn star “James Deen” have surfaced recently, after a number of female actresses have come forward with stories of being brutalized. After reading the stories these women told, I was wondering how on earth such brutality could ever be okay. If you hit a woman with a closed fist, or hurt her during sex …

Inside Out — Talking To Your Addict

If you have children, or you’re a child at heart, maybe you’ve seen the movie, Inside Out, an animated film that cleverly depicts the emotions inside a child’s mind as a cast of characters trying to work together—or not—to help their host cope with her outside world. Our minds can often seem that way too…a variety of thoughts and impulses …

The Choice Point: Where you Choose Not to Objectify

A sticking point for many sex and porn addicts is the objectification of women. When addicts are out in public and see an attractive woman, she does not necessarily register as a person — someone with a career, a family, dreams, fears and aspirations — rather she is viewed as a thing. The rational part of your brain understands that …

You And Your Addict: Who’s Running The Show?

There’s a phenomenon in sex and porn addiction called “compulsive looking.” This is the act of looking at attractive women — be they in print, on a screen, or in real life — for a little too long. The aspect of compulsive looking that makes it problematic is that, unlike other people who may be able to take a long …

Does Treating My Sex Addiction Mean I’ll Never Get Laid Again?

Often when people hear the term “addiction” connected to sex they think the only way out is to quit cold turkey. As a counselor for sexual addiction, one of the first questions I’m asked is about the future of sexual relationships. “Will I ever get laid again?” My answer is always the same — “I hope you don’t get laid …

5 Signs Your “Little” Porn Habit Has Become A BIG Problem

All guys do it, right?  It doesn’t mean you have a problem. It’s not an addiction, is it? Why can’t I watch a little porn? The problem for some men is that sex is an addictive substance, similar to alcohol and drugs. Think of it in terms of social drinkers vs. alcoholics: one can drink, and get back to his life …

I Watch Porn In My Car, At Work And In Bed Next To My Sleeping Wife

I wake up every day with good intentions. I tell myself I won’t look at porn. I tell myself I can quit doing this, but by mid-day, I’ve already visited my favorite sites three times. I feel like I can’t stop myself, and that powerlessness is frightening. Does this mean I might have a sex addiction? I’ve masturbated to porn while sitting …