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You may not realize it yet, but you have an internal story you have been telling yourself. There is a script running in your head that is constantly trying to justify or excuse your compulsive behavior. When people in the media try to change the angle of a story, or cover up the real implications of what's going on, they call this kind of storytelling “spin.” You might be telling yourself that you don't really have a problem, or that you can stop whenever you want, or perhaps that you don't even want to stop. How are you “spinning” things for yourself?
One of the most important parts of your recovery is finding out what this internal story is. Your story is what's driving your behavior. It's something deep down that needs to be addressed, before you can begin to truly move past your addiction.
We like to use the analogy of the front lawn – Sure, you get out there on weekends and push the lawnmower around, but you never quite get around to addressing those annoying weeds. Before you know it, they have all popped up again, raising themselves way higher than the grass, leaving you with just as much of a mess as you had before. You know that you will never be free of the weeds if you don't do something about them.
Your recovery might wind up going exactly like this, if you only address the behaviors you are exhibiting (mowing the lawn), but never figure out why it's happening in the first place (getting rid of the weeds).
This is why we invite you to become your own investigator. Take some time to really reflect, and look at your life in a meaningful way. Allow yourself the opportunity to search. Get to the roots of the problem, and figure out why it is manifesting as sexually compulsive behavior.
What is your story? What are your roots? Finding out the big “why” for all of this will help keep you from constantly sliding back into of habits, and getting swept up in the cycle all over again.
We all have different stories, and no two people will be exactly alike. That just makes this exercise all the more important. It's personal. Nobody else shares your thoughts, experiences or background in quite the same way. This is a question only you can answer.
Now, all that being said, this is not meant to be an isolating experience. We want you to become a C.S.I., or a Compulsion Solutions Investigator, right alongside us. Just like on the TV show, we will use the tools at our disposal to seek out the bad guy, and get him to confess. Stand with us as we chase your addict self down, and find out what he's hiding. If he flees into a building to avoid you, wait outside with your fellow investigators. If he retreats into a dark corner, shine a spotlight on him.
You have the tools to dialog with him already. Now get him to tell you the whole story.