Are You Living With a Porn Addict?

The Moment of Realization

If you searched on this topic, it’s possible you’ve just had the shock of your life. Whether your partner just admitted something to you verbally, or you’ve just uncovered a troubling internet history, finding out that your partner is, or may be, a sex or porn addict is very difficult to process. Emotions are swirling right now — anger, confusion, betrayal, and even embarrassment are all typical responses to your situation. And why wouldn’t they be? You’re in love with your partner, but you’re suddenly unsure if you know them at all.

As much as modern society has loosened up its attitude towards pornography, women can still feel overwhelmed when they discover that porn has become a huge part of their partner’s life. You may hear jokes and casual mentions of internet porn peppered throughout casual conversations and the media, but that doesn’t mean you’re okay with it getting between you and your partner. It becomes an intruder, a third entity in what was supposed to be just the two of you. Suddenly, your core sense of security is gone.

What You Want In Your Relationship — And What You Don’t Want

We’re living in a time of transition. We’re blazing ahead in our education, our careers, and building our families. We have choices and opportunities, unlike anything our grandmothers ever dreamed of. Still, there’s often one aspect of romantic relationships that remains, no matter how the world changes around us — we want to be our partner’s one and only. We want to be, and ought to be enough. Realizing that you are partners of sex addicts undercuts that notion completely.

To further demonstrate, let’s look at a hypothetical client named “Sally.” Sally’s been in a relationship for a while and is now becoming more comfortable, and cooling off, so to speak. Even though she thinks everything is going well, her partner turns up the pressure. He wants to explore their sexual life and add more spice. Sally becomes upset that she and the relationship she’s been building are not enough. She now has to stop and recognize that things aren’t quite what they were before. This begins her journey of letting go of the image of her ideal life. She had a romantic notion of being in a great love affair but now has to realize that her life is not at all like she’d been imagining.

If Sally sounds like you in any way, you’re not alone. Other women have faced situations just like yours, and have also come looking for help.

“So What Do I Do Now?”

If you discover that you are partners of sex addicts, the first step is to talk to your partner. This will not be an easy conversation. You might even have to go into the conversation realizing he won’t admit the whole truth, which may only deepen your suspicion. The reality is that your relationship is in a critical situation right now and you need help. You need to take control back. You need to begin by talking.

Looking after the health and stability of your relationship is an aspect of meaningful self-care. Think of all the energy you’ve put into your relationship up to now. You’re not wrong to feel hurt. If you sense that something’s wrong, it’s because you’re paying close attention. My job as a therapist for partners of sex addicts is to help you from this point on. Together, we’ll take apart the fantasy and lies, and face the reality of your situation. We will begin to make the unconscious conscious. For help navigating this difficult time, you can trust Neulia Compulsion Solutions. Contact us today to learn more and get the help your relationship deserves.

 

 

 

 

Comments 4

  1. I just found out my partner has a porn habit. I didn’t expect it was that extreme until he can’t get his equipment up or can’t sustain the erection when we do it. Apparently he doesn’t have that problem when wanking to his fetish.

    When I found out I went ballistic. He said he’s sorry and he’ll go cold turkey on his porn habit. He deleted all his videos, and according to him, he has not indulged in the past 100+ days.

    I believed him, until I found out he’s been peeking to pictures. I considered that relapse, he said we didn’t agree what relapse means. That I only told him indulging and wanking to the content is relapse.

    He is asking for another chance. Will I give him that?

    1. Post
      Author

      Jen, If I were you I’d tell him (firmly) that, unless he gets help, you’re leaving….and mean it. Life with a practicing sex addict is way not good. Have him call me or get a free sample of our best selling books, “Breaking the Cycle” and “A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction,” by putting your name and address into the sidebar at the top of this page. We’re here and we can help.
      Best, George Collins, Director
      (925) 932-0201

  2. I am 71 years old. My husband is 75. We have been in a relationship for 13 years, married for 8. I discovered after we were married, about five years into the relationship, when I learned to use the computer and a cell phone, that my husband is always, everyday, on either a porn site or a singles site or a singles, porn site! I did confront him and says I must be the one going to those sites because he never has. That’s what I am facing. He admits nothing and never will. I have been living with this for a long time. Age and finances have kept me in this relationship. I can’t get over the total feeling of failure this has caused. My resentment has grown tremendously. Short of leaving, is there anything else I can do? I know the answer, I just really need help. As I write this out, it’s even more humiliating and that’s what paralyzes me.

    1. Post
      Author

      Lynn Ann, As long as your husband’s in denial there isn’t much hope for a normal relationship. The only “leverage” you have is YOU. What would he do if you said you WERE going to leave? This CAN be a great motivator for men who are “stuck.” This is YOUR life. There is no good reason to live it with someone who is not faithful. That’s torture. If you like I’d be happy to have you talk with our female therapist (Faye) for some tips on what to do and resources for you to use.

      Best, George
      (925) 932-0201

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