FOR WOMEN, PARTNERS, AND COUPLES
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If you suspect (or know) that your partner has turned attention from you to porn, sexual addiction, or acting out sexually, we care about what this is doing to you.
You may be facing heartbreak, fear, and/or anxiety. We get it. You don't have to go through this time alone. We will work with you collaboratively establishing a close personal bond to support you through this time.
Answers to questions you might have right now... (READ MORE)
Who We Are...
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Paldrom Collins
Married to a former sex addict, Paldrom has a thorough understanding of sexually compulsive behavior and works with the partners of sexually compulsive men. Previously a Buddhist nun, her kind and compassionate manner is integral in helping partners resolve their issues of co-dependency and co-addiction. Read Paldrom's article on "Compulsion: Sex and Love Addiction."
Read Paldrom's Blogs on Your Tango:
Contact Paldrom
From Faye: I believe that the therapeutic dialogue is a joint venture between the client and the therapist. Every client has both areas of strengths that she needs to discover and perceived weaknesses that need to be acknowledged, embraced, and healed. That is the core of our work together. 
Paldrom's new book, A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust & Restore Intimacy, can be purchased at Amazon.com or from bookstores. READ MORE ABOUT THE BOOK.
• Sex and Sexuality: Where the Nun & the Prostitute Agree
• Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models & Your Self Esteem
• And many more articles
Paldrom's Direct Phone: 925-934-6263
Have a question?
E-mail Paldrom at paldrom@compulsionsolutions.com
Faye Reitman, MFT.
Faye has vast experience in supporting women in their relationship with a partner who is sexually compulsive. Also she has spent many years counseling women with issues around self-esteem, food, and eating.
Contact Faye
Faye's Direct Phone: 510-847-5703
Have a question?
E-mail Faye at fayereitman@gmail.com
All Contacts Are Completely Confidential
Warning Signs of Porn or Sexual Addiction (Read More)
There are warning signs or behavioral “red flags” you might see if your partner is having a problem with sexually compulsive behavior:
He may spend a lot of “private” time on his computer, his phone, or at work. Working long hours could be a cover for compulsive viewing of Internet porn. When you notice your partner is on the computer, he may turn it off or flip to another page. He may set up secret or hidden email accounts. He may hide his cell phone to avoid your detection of his phone calls or text messages.
In general, his demeanor may change. You may notice that he’s acting differently. He may become more secretive, private, unreliable, critical, or irritable. He might not be as social as he used to be. There may be unexplained absences. You may feel like you just don’t get straight answers anymore.
You may experience a lack of connection and intimacy. Your partner may not seem available to you. You may feel he’s avoiding you. He may seem “tuned out” or lost.
Your sexual interactions with your partner may change. Your partner may become uncharacteristically demanding or rough sexually. He may require more and more stimulation. Or he may become unresponsive sexually and cease initiating sex. He may develop a preference for masturbation.
His relationship to his body may change. He may become overly concerned with his penis — with caring for, touching, adjusting his pants, or exposing his anatomy.
Money might become an issue in your relationship. If he is spending money on porn, prostitutes, or other illicit sexual activities there may be a lack of funds or unexplained expenses.
He may be sexually unfaithful. Not every sexual betrayal is a sign of sexual addiction. However if your partner is engaging sexually with another or others and is not stopping, even if he says he wants to, he probably has an issue with sexual compulsivity.
Unfortunately, there is no magically revealing or definitive list that will let you know without question that your partner has an issue with sex addiction. You may see all of these signs, other signs, or none of them. These behaviors could point to other addictions or other issues or they could point to an affair.
However, it is true that, if your partner’s sexual behaviors are causing stress to your relationship, to his connection to friends and loved ones, or to his work then sexual addiction could be a problem. If his instinctive desire for sexual activity is overriding his capacity to regulate those impulses in a way that is preventing connection and intimacy, then there is a problem.
The difficulty with any addictive behavior is that ultimately it does not provide the desired relief or reward. The addiction creates an internal war. Life does not work. Ultimately you can never get enough of what won’t satisfy you.
You are not responsible for your partner’s sexually addictive behaviors. His choices about how he deals with his irritations and stimulations are his alone, as are yours.
Your partner’s sexually addictive actions are not an indication that he does not love you. Your relationship is not hopeless or doomed because your partner has a problem with sexual compulsivity.
You are not weak or damaged because you want to stay with your partner and rebuild your relationship.
You don’t have to force yourself to trust your partner right now. It is normal to feel angry, upset, and mistrusting.
You don’t need to go through this time alone. Reach out to friends, family, and other support systems.
Sex addiction is a compulsive urge to engage in sexual activities, thoughts, or fantasies in a way that is detrimental to the individual, his family, his friends, and/or his work. It blocks the development of true intimacy in relationship.
• For someone caught by sexual compulsion, sex has become something other than an intimate expression of loving connectedness. The pleasure that is inherently present in orgasm or connection with another has been altered and is being used as a balm, an escape, a distraction, rather than being enjoyed for what it does offer.
• The sexually compulsive individual may know that his secret sex life is keeping him from the connection he wants to have. He just doesn’t know how to limit (and stop) the sexual behaviors that are getting in the way of intimacy with his partner.
• The natural urge for sex, the way sex is used for marketing purposes, and the explosion of porn on the Internet have created a “perfect storm" of conditions that lead to sex addiction.
• To understand how sex addiction can become a problem, it helps to understand the impulses and motivations that drive the behavior. Gaining understanding about these influences, it is possible to work with the urges and impulses as they arise.
How can I be with this man after what he’s done?
How do I know he won’t do it again?
How do I not monitor his every move?
How can I ever trust him again?
Why didn’t I recognize and acknowledge what was going on before now?
You may be facing heartbreak, fear, and/or anxiety.
We Can Help With:
- Sex Addiction
- Porn Addiction
- Internet Addiction
- Masturbation Addiction
- Sexual Massage & Prostitution
- Adult Book Stores
- Women with sex and fantasy issues
- Strip Clubs
- Anonymous Sex
- Multiple Addictions including eating, drugs & alcohol
- Spouses and Partners
- Sex and Love Addicts
Resources
- Videos
- Articles on Sex Addiction
- Books
- Self-test for Sex Addiction
- Treatments for Sexual Compulsive Behaviors
- Individual Counseling
- Couples Counseling
- Counseling for Women
- Counseling for Families
- Groups for Sex Addicts
- Case Studies
- Comments from Sex Addicts
- Links to Resources
Who We Are
- George Collins, MA, Director of Compulsion Solutions
- Our Team of Experienced Counselors
- Authors of "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" (Published October 2011 from New Harbinger Publications)
- Authors of "A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust & Restore Intimacy" (Published December 2011 from Adams Media)
